


Everything felt fine when I was half of a pair

by Kyebladegirl3



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Adultery, Angst, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Cheating, College, Explicit Language, Gay Michael Mell, I mean it's a fic about Be more chill what did anyone expect, I'm using writing to get out my own emotions, Jeremy heere is kind of a dick, Like so much angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Probably ooc, Trigger Warning(s), Weed, based on my life (Ish), boyf-riends, but I feel like that fits the characters, have no idea if this will have a happy endong, if you can't tell I know nothing about college, in this fic not the play, like they say fuck a lot, well kinda in the play as well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-01-31 11:28:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18590347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyebladegirl3/pseuds/Kyebladegirl3
Summary: You know in movies when the two friends fall in love and it takes forever for the characters to get together because they don't wanna ruin their friends and you as the viewer are board as shit and just want them to get together so you can stop watching whatever shitty rom-com your moms are making you watch, okay getting a little off trackYou watch and see how much the two friends care for each other and think the whole 'let's not ruin our friendship' way of thinking is dumb because if they really like- hell maybe even love- each other then it will all work out okay,Well Michael Mell couldn't have been more fucking wrong,





	1. Now through no fault of mine, there's no other half there

**Author's Note:**

> So this was gonna be a one-shot but after close to 1000 words (more then I've ever written) I decided to make this a chapter fic so please let me know what you think

You know in movies when the two friends fall in love and it takes forever for the characters to get together because they don't wanna ruin their friends and you as the viewer are board as shit and just want them to get together so you can stop watching whatever shitty rom-com your moms are making you watch, okay getting a little off track  
You watch and see how much the two friends care for each other and think the whole 'let's not ruin our friendship' way of thinking is dumb because if they really like- hell maybe even love- each other then it will all work out okay,  
Well Michael Mell couldn't have been more fucking wrong, turns out dating your best friend is an awful idea because sometimes your best friend is a shitty shitty boyfriend and you find out that while you two were away at separate colleges he goes to a party and cheats on you.  
And not only do you lose your what you thought was an awesome caring boyfriend but you lose your best friend of over a decade and one of the people who mattered to you most and Michael thought he mattered to.  
Everything seemed fine that morning he had fallen asleep right after talking to Jeremy on the phone, Jeremy had mentioned he went to a party with some new college friends a few nights before but Michael didn't think much of that, hell he was happy even since that meant that Jeremy was making some new friends and that he was proven (once again) right, and they would be cool in college.  
So it was a nasty shock when he was woken up from a call from his mom, not that that was strange or bad at least one of his moms called every other morning to check on him but the conversation was a lot worse then just his mom asking if he was eating right and getting enough sleep  
"Michael dear have you been on Facebook yet this morning?"  
Now that should have been a warning sign his moms know he hardly ever gets on Facebook when Twitter and Reddit exist   
"Mom I haven't even gotten on my phone yet I woke up to your call" He replied trying to keep his eyes open because he knew if he let them close a second he would fall asleep "Why"  
"I can tell you know but maybe it would be better if you saw for yourself"  
"Okay then I'll check it soon then" This had to be one of the strangest conversations that he's had with one of his moms still probably not the actual strangest but definitely top 5   
"Okay well I let you do that, and Michael call me or your mother sometime we always love hearing from you"  
"Okay mom, I'll talk to you later"  
"Okay I love you"  
"Love you too"  
She hung up Michael figures he should see what his mom wanted him to see on Facebook  
It doesn't take him long to see what he figures his mom wanted him to see since he's had Jeremy Favorited on Facebook longer then he can remember he always sees his post or the post he's been tagged in first, that when he sees it  
A picture of a very clearly drunk but still very clearly Jeremy making out with some girl who also looks about as drunk as Jeremy looks, he looks who posted the picture he doesn't recognize the name figures it to be one of Jeremy's new collage friends, did they not think Michael would see this picture? Did they not know about Michael? Did Jeremy never mention him? Did everyone just think that Michael was just Jeremy's friend? So meany questions run through Michael's head it almost makes him dizzy he feels sick to his stomach he feels like he needs to throw up and he feels like he can't breathe at the same time. He feel tears prick at the edge of his eyes. With shaky hands she close the Facebook app and immediately calls Jeremy,  
He shouldn't even call him he thinks as the phone dials, shouldn't even let him explain himself he should just text him and tell him to go fuck himself and that Michael would probably be better off without him, but really would he be?  
"Hello" Jeremy says voice thick with sleep, of course he answers admittedly, he always does when Michael calls   
"Hey I'm sure you don't wanna hear from me I'm sure you'd love to hear from" He tries to think back on that post remembering the other name tagged in the photo "Carrie"  
"Michael what are you talking about?" Michael figures either Jeremy is faking like he doesn't know or he just woke up and its gonna take him a few minutes for him to even remember his own name -which is the mostly likely case scenario here-let alone some whore he cheated with, okay that's not fair Michael thinks she may have not known he had a boyfriend and may be completely innocent in this case.  
But that still doesn't help Michael not kinda needlessly hate her for probably ruining his relationship. No Jeremy did that on his own he doesn't know about her  
"I saw the Facebook post you stupid piece of shit"  
"What post? Michael babe what are you talking about" Now he sounds a bit more awake   
"I saw the picture of you and Carrie"  
"Oh shit"   
"Yeah shit you fucking prick, how could you"  
"Michael I'm sorry I was at a party and i got kinda drunk, okay really drunk and it was just that kiss I swear"  
"Really Jeremy? 'Just that kiss' because that looked way more then just a kiss"  
"It didn't go any farther then that though Michael I promise you"  
"How can I believe a word you say?"  
"I completely understand you being upset but you know I'd never lie to you"  
"And I've been drunk at a few parties in college and I haven't once cheated or even fucking thought about cheating, so was there something else going on?"  
Jeremy sighed and went quiet and Michael knew immediately that that meant something else was going on, you aren't best friends with someone for 16 years and not be able to read them like a fucking book even over the phone at 11 o'clock in the morning  
"I've been worried about us" Jeremy finally said  
Us? As in them? Michael thought they were fine  
"I'm gonna need you to clarify before I just hang up and delete your number" Michael said "Which I'm doing anyways but I still wanna know what happened"  
"It just seemed you'd been kinda distant lately and sometimes I'd call or text and you wouldn't reply for hours"  
It's true Michael would sometimes not be the best at replaying but sometimes his insecurities would get to him and he'd be afraid to even talk to Jeremy afraid he wasn't good enough, afraid he'd just annoy him more then anything afraid Jeremy was gonna grow out his geeky video games and 90s obsession and think Michael was still that high school loser. 'Guess I was right'  
"I was scared sometimes"  
"Of talking to me, Michael that's crazy"  
"Not of talking to you stupid, of annoying you"  
Michael guessed this be the last time to tell Jeremy how he really felt "I was afraid to annoy you, that you'd get board with me once you went and hung out with cooler collage people or that you just wouldn't want to deal with me anymore like I get it's probably annoying having to deal with your boyfriends panic attacks and sometimes they can't go out because their anxiety is literally keeping them in bed, so sometimes when it was all to much I couldn't reply to you but as soon as the thoughts subsided I would call or text you immediately"   
"I never knew"  
"I didn't wanna bother you" Michael is trying so hard not to cry right now, he can't. He won't give Jeremy that "But if you were having problems with us you could've talked to me, we could have worked it out"  
"I know" This may be the calmest Michael's ever heard Jeremy   
"Do you have anything else to say"  
"I'm sorry I hurt you I'm so sorry Michael you deserve so much better then that"  
"Hell yeah I do" 'Do I?'  
"I'm sorry" For some reason that second sorry was the last straw for Michael, did Jeremy think saying sorry would fix this? Was he that dumb as dumb as Michael was for trusting him  
"You know what Jeremy you can go to hell with your sorrys"  
"Michael"  
"No I don't wanna hear from you again" Michael cut Jeremy off "Delete my number, I'm sure as hell deleting yours"  
"Michael" shit was Jeremy crying? Michael was also the more emotional of the two not that either of them were the best with their emotions but they both weren't emotional less drones   
"No don't Michael me you fucking piece of shit" Michael interrupted again "I trusted you, you were my best friend I loved you I gave you everything And it feels like you've throw it all back in my face"  
He did really give Jeremy every part of him he was pretty much his first everything  
"I deserve this" Jeremy said and now it wasn't a question Michael knew Jeremy was crying   
"Bitch you deserve this and more"  
"You're right" Jeremy said "I'll delete your number and again Michael I'm sorry"  
"Go to hell" Michael hung up   
Immediately after he did he deleted Jeremy's number and all their text messages and now he has to change his phone screen since it was a cute picture of them Jeremy's dad took when they both were in New Jersey over Christmas break but before  
But for a moment he just sets on his bed not crying not doing anything he just sets there and he doesn't know how long he does he guesses almost an hour since his alarm for class goes off, he really just thinks about not going in to class but knows hes moms will kill him if he misses plus he kinda can't stand to sit in his room anymore


	2. I am hiding, but he's out there, just ignoring all our history

Okay so maybe going to class wasn't Michael's best idea he hasn't played attention to anything his professor is saying he knows she's been going on about some coding techniques but for the life of him he cannot remember anything she's said in the last half an hour  
After a long day classes are finally done and he can head back to his dorm room except of fucking course nothing can go right today and his roommates has done the most cliche thing in every ridiculous college movie, he put a freaking sock on the door!   
Great so now what is Michael gonna do  
He sits down in the hall far from his dorm and pulls out his phone, he instinctively goes to text Jeremy, it's when he goes to his recent messages and he doesn't see Jeremy's name he remembers, and all the pain from this morning comes back.  
He can feel the tears coming on for sure now and Michael does not want to be caught crying in the hallway at 7 o'clock at night or anytime really, so he heads to the community bathroom. Closing the stall behind him, he tries so hard not to cry not to let Jeremy have this, to let this be the one thing Jeremy doesn't get but Michael can't help it the tears fall and he hopes to God no one will come in because it's not just the soft sniffing crying it's the wrecks your whole body and makes you not be able to breath cry, or that could be the panic attack seeping in, either way Michael spends a good part of an hour trying to put himself together enough to check to see of he can go to his room.   
How can the one person you always call when you're hurt, hurt you? Michael wants so bad to message Jeremy because whenever Michael felt like this when his anxiety was so bad he wouldn't be able to breath or when something happened that caused him to be sad, hurt or mad he would talk to Jeremy, back when they both lived near each other Jeremy would come over immediately and then when they ended up going to collages in different states Jeremy would always call or text whenever Michael needed him, he was always there, but now Michael will never hear from him again and that's what hurts the most.   
Michael pulls out his phone it probably be awhile until he can get back in his dorm room so he takes this time to delete every picture of Jeremy which is almost every picture on his phone   
An hour later he goes back to his dorm room glad to see the sock has been removed   
He barely gives a glance at his roommates direction, Michael throws himself on his bed so exhausted from the day that he doesn't bother changing his close he barely remembers to take off his glasses before he just passes out

Michael thanks whoever is out there it's a Saturday when he wakes up he cannot deal with a class today, so he plans to just stay in bed and later find a place to get high, maybe hotbox his car, although Jeremy always heated after he did that since the car smelled like weed for awhile after, but he doesn't have to care what that asshole thinks anymore not that he ever minded Jeremy was right the car smelling like weed was gonna be bad if they ever got pulled over  
Michael thought about playing some video games but every game he had remained him of Jeremy either it was something they played together or something that Jeremy would play while Michael would fall asleep on his chest or Michael would play and Jeremy would watch him and help him by looking up guides on his phone  
Okay so no video games.  
Maybe listening to music?  
Michael put on his headphones and started his playlist from his phone  
After skipping 20 songs he gave up every song had some ties to Jeremy   
Either he would remember Jeremy trying his best to sing them in the car or it would be a song they would listen to while high in the basement or a song he would annoy Jeremy with by singing as loud and as off key as he could just to make Jeremy laugh   
Okay no music  
This may be a good time to actually study   
Michael got about 15 minutes in but he kept getting distracted  
Maybe going for a walk?  
Michael goes to his chest of drawers to find some clothes that are clean well kinda clean at least   
He pulls out a bunch of different shirts   
This one? No he wore it the last time he saw Jeremy   
This one? No that's the shirt he wore on his first date with Jeremy   
This one? That one is Jeremy's shirt   
That one? Shirt he was wearing we Jeremy told him he loved him  
Michael really should have bought more clothing over the past few years  
He's not a guy really into clothes so he doesn't have that meany to choose from so he grabs a shirt just some video game logo and pulls a hoodie over it and decides the pants he was wearing aren't that dirty and heads out 

Michael doesn't know why the hell he thought taking a walk around campus was a good idea its early November so hes cold he's been walking for almost 15 minutes and now he's already tired but thank God he ended up by the little coffee shop on campus, he orders a drink and sits taking a break from the cold November air.  
He's mind wonders, he wonders if Jeremy is thinking about him he wonders if Jeremy regrets what happened. He has to stop thinking about him, how dumb can one guy be of course Jeremy isn't thinking about him of course Jeremy doesn't care if he cared he would have stayed faithful, Maybe Michael just wasn't enough, wasn't good enough wasn't attractive enough wasn't funny enough Michael thought Jeremy loved him despite him not being the best looking or most out-going hell that's what he thought Jeremy loved about him was that he wasn't willing to change for anyone that he always will be Michael Mell just that high school loser who smoked to much pot and played way to meany video games when he should have been studying, the Michael Mell that stood by Jeremy's side when he almost turned the whole school into SQUIP zombies who forgave Jeremy even after Jeremy was quite honestly a dick to him and when no one not even Jeremy would have blamed him for just leaving him and moving on with his life but no Michael Mell was an idiot an idiot in love, so desperately in love with Jeremy Heere that it was stupid even though at the time he would swear that Jeremy wouldn't like him back he was still hopelessly in love with him and if being friends was all he could have he would take it in a heartbeat, besides they had been best friends long before he realized how ridiculously in love he was.

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry if this is OOC or bad but this is kinda close to something that happen to me so I really wanted to get out my feelings and since I've just gotten obsessed Be More Chill I thought I could write this and I felt this would work for Boyf-riends


End file.
